Alcohol Quotes

From Frank Sinatra to Ernest Hemingway to Homer Simpson, there is something for everyone. We’ve gathered a list of the most famous drinking quotes ( quotes about alcohol, alcoholism quotes, drinking alcohol quotes, funny alcohol quotes, Alcohol Quotes ) for your enjoyment. Cheers!

If you drink, be a responsible drinker. Drink responsibly if you are drinking alone. If you drink in a group, be sure you’re surrounded by trustworthy individuals. Don’t rely on alcohol to find happiness or tranquilly. The most essential thing to remember is to never drink and drive. People, please be safe.

So we’ve tried to gather the most logical Alcohol Quotes and Sayings, so keep reading:

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Alcohol Quotes

funny alcohol quotes Tom Waits

1. “I don’t have a drinking problem ‘Cept when I can’t get a drink.”― Tom Waits

2. “What is your advice to young writers?” “Drink, fuck and smoke plenty of cigarettes.”― Charles Bukowski

3. “Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.”― Alex Levine

4. “To alcohol! The cause of… and solution to… all of life’s problems”― Matt Groening

Alcohol Quotes

5. “I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels.”― Darynda Jones

6. “One more drink and I’ll be under the host.”― Mae West

7. “Wine is the most healthful and most hygienic of beverages.”― Louis Pasteur

8. “it provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance”― William Shakespeare

9. “Ignorance is a lot like alcohol: the more you have of it, the less you are able to see its effect on you.”― Jay Bylsma

Alcohol Quotes James Joyce

10. “The light music of whisky falling into glasses made an agreeable interlude.”― James Joyce

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11. “99% of all problems can be solved by money — and for the other 1% there’s alcohol.”― Quentin R. Bufogle

12. “Scotch whisky is made from barley and the morning dew on angel’s nipples.”― Warren Ellis

13. “Drunken men give some of the best pep talks.”― Criss Jami

14. “Beer dulls a memory, brand sets it burning, but wine is the best for a sore heart’s yearning.”― Patrick Rothfuss

quotes about alcohol Charles Bukowski

15. “There was nothing glorious about the life of a drinker or the life of a writer.”― Charles Bukowski

16. “All worries are less with wine.”― Amit Kalantri

17. “Love is alcohol.”― Katherine Applegate

18. “Civilization begins with distillation”― William Faulkner

Alcohol Quotes Ellen Dean

19. “Think champagne, drink champagne!”― Ellen Dean

20. “Alcohol is some people’s pillar of weakness.”― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

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21. “Alcohol is the worst thing to mix with anger.”― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Drinking alcohol quotes

alcoholism quotes Irish proverb

22. “First the man takes the drink, then the drink takes the man.”― Irish proverb

23. “Alcohol is man’s universal translator.”― Anthony T. Hincks

24. “Smoke less, drink more.”― A.D. Aliwat

Alcohol Quotes Habeeb Akande

25. “It is sad that people need alcohol to make them happy.”― Habeeb Akande

26. “I drank whiskey because I was depressed, and whiskey made sure I stayed depressed.”― Donald Hall

27. “Nothing makes you promise more than the steady supply of alcohol.”― Anthony T. Hincks

28. “Two great European narcotics, Alcohol and Christianity, I know which one I prefer.”― Mike Skinner

funny alcohol quotes Charles Bukowski

29. “Exercise makes you look better naked. So does Tequila. Your choice.”― Charles Bukowski

30. “An empty glass with always hold air.”― Anthony T. Hincks

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31. “I don’t like to overdose. Call me old-fashioned.”― Chelsea Handler

32. “When a man who is drinking neat gin starts talking about his mother he is past all argument.”― C.S. Forester

Alcohol Quotes Neel Burton

33. “Drinking wine is like using magic: there’s always a price to pay.”― Neel Burton

34. “Religion is a non-alcoholic man’s alcohol. Alcohol is a non-religious man’s religion.”― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

35. “Nothing uses up alcohol faster than political argument.”― Robert A. Heinlein

36. “The worst gift I was given is when I got out of rehab that Christmas; a bottle of wine. It was delicious.”― Craig Ferguson

Drinking quotes

37. “Mixing old wine with new wine is stupidity, but mixing old wisdom with new wisdom is maturity.”― Amit Kalantri

drinking alcohol quotes Mark Cooper”

38. “What sort of place lets you drive and vote and fuck before it lets you drink a beer?” ~Mark Cooper”

39. “In alcohol’s defense, I’ve done some equally stupid things while completely sober”― Alice Feeney

40. “The best thing is the combined effect of nicotine with alcohol, greater than the sum of the two parts.”― Sebastian Faulks

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41. “Take it from me, all dependent relationships with drugs and alcohol end in divorce or death.”― D.C. Hyden

Alcoholism quotes

funny alcohol quotes

42. “Drunkards have a problem, not with sobriety, but with reality.”― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

43. “I accept no responsibility for anything I did while drunk.”― Steven Magee

44. “Caution: Drinking is not good for the phone and Twitter.”

45. “Most cultures made beer before they had an alphabet.”― Matthew Weiner

alcoholism quotes Darynda Jones

46. “Trust me. You can dance.- VODKA”― Darynda Jones

47. “This is turning into an alcohol-will-cure-everything kind of day.”― Kelly Moran

Best alcohol quotes

48. “I don’t need alcohol to see the world in its depths, I carry the sun in me. – On Being Inebriated.”― Lamine Pearlheart

49. “Alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, may produce all the effects of drunkenness.”― Oscar Wilde

50. “There are two kinds of people I don’t trust: people who don’t drink and people who collect stickers.”― Chelsea Handler

F. Scott Fitzgerald quotes about alcohol

51. “It’s a great advantage not to drink among hard drinking people.”― F. Scott Fitzgerald

52. “Drink because you are happy, but never because you are miserable.”― G.K. Chesterton

53. “Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.”― Frank Sinatra

54. “I’m not drunk, just a little stoned.”― Gerard Way

Quotes about alcohol

Alcohol Quotes Carl Jung

55. “Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism.” – Carl Jung

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56. “Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness.” – Seneca

57. “Drinking is fun! It makes me feel horrible and sexy!”― Warren Ellis

Alcohol quotes for everyday

58. “A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.” – Steve Fergosi

59. “Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.” – W.C. Fields

60. “24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.” – H.L. Mencken

61. “In 1969, I gave up women and alcohol – it was the worst 20 minutes of my life.” – George Best

Alcohol Quotes G.K. Chesterton

62. “Drink because you are happy, but never because you are miserable.” – G.K. Chesterton

63. “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” – Benjamin Franklin

64. “Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.” – George Bernard Shaw

65. “Either give me more wine or leave me alone.” – Rumi

66. “I don’t have a drinking problem ‘Cept when I can’t get a drink.” – Tom Waits

Alcohol Quotes Matt Groening

67. “Here’s to alcohol: the cause of, and answer to, all of life’s problems.” – Matt Groening

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68. “I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.” – Winston Churchill

69. “Alcohol is a way of life, alcohol is my way of life, and I aim to keep it.” – Homer Simpson

70. “Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” – Ernest Hemmingway

Drinking alcohol quotes

71. “Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction.” – Bob Marley

72. “First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald

funny alcohol quotes

73. “Alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, may produce all the effects of drunkenness.” – Oscar Wilde

74. “Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed be the facts.” – Finley Peter Dunne

75. “I think I need a drink. Almost everybody does only they don’t know it.” – Charles Bukowski

76. “One reason I don’t drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.” – Lady Astor

77. “If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.” – Jack Handy

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78. “In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.” – Benjamin Franklin

79. “As an alcoholic, you will violate your standards quicker than you can lower them.” Robin Williams

drinking alcohol quotes

80. “The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.” – Humphrey Bogart

81. “When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.” – Henny Youngman

82. “I envy people who drink, at least they know what to blame everything on.” – Oscar Levant

83. “What’s drinking? A mere pause from thinking!” – George Gordon

alcohol quotes and sayings

84. “Beer dulls a memory, brand sets it burning, but wine is the best for a sore heart’s yearning.” – Patrick Rothfuss

85. “Other people’s films are like a cocktail, a little alcohol with water and juice. My films are like pure vodka.” – Jiang Wen

alcoholism quotes

86. “There comes a time in every woman’s life when the only thing that helps is a glass of champagne.” – Bette Davis

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87. “The first glass is for myself, the second for my friends, the third for good humor, and the fourth for my enemies.” – William Temple

88. “I went to the worst of bars hoping to get killed but all I could do was to get drunk again.” – Charles Bukowski

89. “A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world.” – Louis Pasteur

Funny Alcohol Quotes

quotes about alcohol

90. “I work until beer o’clock.”—Stephen King

91. “Either give me more wine or leave me alone.” ―Rumi

92. “I drink to make other people more interesting.”—Ernest Hemingway

93. “I exercise self-control and never touch a beverage stronger than gin before breakfast.”—W. C. Fields

94. “Too much of anything is bad, but too much Champagne is just right.”—F. Scott Fitzgerald

Alcohol Quotes

95. “Men are like wine – some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.” — Pope John XXIII

96. “Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.”—Steve Martin

97. “A man’s true character comes out when he’s drunk.” – Charlie Chaplin

Hilarious quotes about alcohol

98. “You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.”—Dean Martin

99. “A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world.”—Louis Pasteur

100. “Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy.”—Frank Sinatra

Alcohol Quotes

101. “If God had intended us to drink beer, he would have given us stomachs.”—David Daye

102. “Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient Champagne.”—Dorothy Parker

103. “Why do I drink Champagne for breakfast? Doesn’t everyone?” —Noel

104. “Step Aside COFFEE This is a Job for ALCOHOL” — Unknown

105. “Love makes the world go round? Not at all. Whiskey makes it go round twice as fast.”—Compton Mackenzie

106. “I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.” – Joe E. Ellis

Alcohol Quotes

107. “Not to get technical, But according to chemistry ALCOHOL is a solution.” — Unknown

108. “When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.” —Henny Youngman

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109. “If girls always treated each other like we do when we’re drunk in the girl’s bathroom, the world would be a happier place.” —Anonymous

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Alcohol Quotes

110. “I’ve never been drunk, but often I’ve been over served.” ― George Gobel

111. “Sure I eat what I advertise. Sure I eat Wheaties for breakfast. A good bowl of Wheaties with bourbon can’t be beat.”—Dizzy Dean

112. “Always buy a bigger bottle than you think You’ll need. Better to be safe than sober.” — Unknown

113. ”I wish to live to 150 years old, but the day I die, I wish it to be with a cigarette in one hand and a glass of whiskey in the other.”—Ava Gardner

114. “I drink alcohol to drown my problems, unfortunately my problems are damn good swimmers.” — Unknown

funny alcohol quotes

115. “Age is just a number. It’s totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.”- Joan Collins

funny alcohol quotes

116. “War and drink are the two things man is never too poor to buy.”- William Faulkner

117. “I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.”—Rodney Dangerfield

118. “I only drink Champagne on two occasions, when I am in love and when I am not.”—Coco Chanel

119. “Trust me: You can dance — Alcohol.” — Unknown

120. “Responsible Drinking? Now that’s an oxymoron.” ― Aaron Howard

drinking alcohol quotes

121. “If life gives you lemons, Add VODKA.” — Unknown

122. “I followed my heart & It led me to ALCOHOL.” — Unknown

123. “Work is the curse of the drinking classes.” —Oscar Wilde

124. “Men are like wine—some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.” —Pope John XXIII

125. “People are not addicted to Alcohol or drugs, They are addicted to escaping reality.” — Unknown

126. “Alcohol does not make you fat, it makes you lean: against tables, chairs, walls, floors and ugly people.” — Unknown

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funny quotes about drinking alcohol

alcoholism quotes

127. “I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.” – W.C Fields

128. “The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.”—Phyllis Diller

129. “Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” —Ernest Hemingway

130. “There comes a time in every woman’s life when the only thing that helps is a glass of Champagne.”—Bette Davis

131. “I drink wine because my doctor said I shouldn’t keep things bottled up.” — Unknown

132. “In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power, and in water there is bacteria.” —Anonymous

quotes about alcohol

133. “Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly.”—Conan O’Brien

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